Father's Day

I got sick Saturday night.

sick as in,

 go to bed at 7:00 Saturday night 

 and don't get up until 2 Sunday afternoon.

of course, I got sick on a Saturday night.

of course, I got sick on Father's Day.

I mumbled a "happy father's day" to my loving husband as he brought me some orange juice and more advil.

and then proceeded to take care of, feed, play with, and occupy our kids all day long.

and, honestly?

he's pretty wiped out usually after Sunday mornings -

so, he took care of the kids all day, including his usual Sunday stuff.

he's a rockstar dad, right?

When I awoke with a 102* fever,

gone were my plans for balloons and streamers,

cake and icecream.

But you know what?

the day proved just a testament to what a father my husband truly is.

When we needed him to, 

he did what he does best -

he stepped up, 

took charge,

and loved us well.

Matt,

your loyalty and love to our family has been tested 

and proven over and over and over again.

thank-you-

for being the kind of get-on-the-floor, 

run-around-the-house, 

dart-guns-till-we-collapse kinda dad.

thank-you -

for your steady, calm confidence in the face of anything,

and for pointing our kids to their Ultimate Father.

they love you lots.

i love you lots.

and, I promise to have a do-over on the balloons and streamers part of father's day soon.

Just Diagnosed with MS

my favorite 5-year-old,

with a celebratory ice-cream cone on his last day of preschool.

---

 

One week ago today, 

I sat on the doctor's table in a pink dress, 

flipping through some texts on my iphone as I waited.

My husband and I chatted a bit.

I browsed a brochure.

the clock ticked.

And then the neurologist entered the room.

And, after a lengthy discussion,

made official what had been discussed for months.

One week ago today,

I was diagnosed with 

Multiple Sclerosis.

---

almost 18 months ago.

{February 2011}

I had just returned home from 2 weeks in a small country in east Africa.

we were supposed to be there ministering to the workers there, 

but it was myself who was blessed beyond measure.

 The Lord expanded my horizons on that trip,

and made me long for something more for our lives.

I've written on my blog in several places about our desire to be radical with our lives.

Radical with our ministry, radical in our service to our Savior.

Upon returning home from Africa,

these are the words penned in my prayer journal:

"If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land".

 {isaiah 1:19}

Father,

I long to be willing and obedient. 

Where you lead, we will go.

To Africa, to adoption, to other ministry,

to radical ministry right here in Indiana,

whatever you have for us,

we will go.

---

For over a year,

I have prayed to be radical with our lives.

 that wherever the Lord led us, 

we would follow.

Perhaps the Lord was preparing me for a different kind of radical service -

a life lived with a progressive neuromuscular disease.

This is now our new normal.

MS info is almost always a tab on my ipad.

we have stacks of insurance information and injection training paperwork.

This is our new normal.

and, you know?

it's okay.

I am, for the moment, over my initial panic and knee-jerk reaction.

for a month or so after our initial MRI i was panicked.

completely, completely panicked.

but now it's just back to life.

back to serving in our church here that we love.

back to playground visits and splash pad fun and Nerf gun wars.

{it's back to life}

back to believing what I always believed -

the God is always, always, always Sovereign.

that there are purposes to our lives that we may never see this side of eternity.

that my Hope rests on Jesus Christ and His coming again -

My hope does not rest on my desire to walk down the aisle 

{in cute shoes, nonetheless}

at my daughter's wedding.

 or to chase grandkids around our house.

or to travel into our retirement years.

My hope rests on nothing less than Jesus Christ and His righteousness.

Yes, our future may look different than our 30-something-year-old selves had envisioned.

it will be okay.

---

 

One week ago today,

I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

whatever the future may hold,

may we be willing and obedient,

and walk in it well.

 

 

Bumblebee Transformer

I tucked this sweet girl into bed tonight.

and then 30 minutes later I re-tucked her into bed.

{she strangely took a 3 hour nap today! 

nice. but, bedtime is now questionable}

As I prayed with her {again}

she went through the typical cast of characters of whom to pray for.

bubby. mommy. daddy. papa's boo-boo.

and then, 

she came out with

can we pray for Bumblebee?

Bumblebee.

 as in the big, bright yellow, robot transformer.

Pray for Bumblebee, momma?

And my heart smiled.

I pictured my Father in Heaven smiling, too.

We thanked God for 3-year-olds and prayed that we'd get to see Bumblebee again soon.

sweet girl.

----

 

{Cast all of our cares on Him,

for He cares for us.}

i peter 5:7

Right?

every single care,

He cares.

every.single.worry.

every single situation.

every.single.thing.

He cares.

 Tonight,

as I received my first MS medicine kit in the mail yesterday,

I rest in the fact that 

He cares.

deeply, personally.

{He cares}

---

Getting Closer: Multiple Sclerosis

hydrangeas. they're some of my favorite flowers.

---

I was going back through some blog posts of mine,

and I noticed I've been quiet recently.

It's not that there's nothing to write about,

kinda the opposite, really.

like my heart has so much to say that it seems too much for a simple blog.

since my last post, I've had 2 more tests

{bloodwork and an EMG}

come back within normal limits.

while normal is good

{after our shock of all shock MRI results late February,

I'll always, always, always breathe a deep sigh of relief when health stuff comes back normal}

these were also kinda the last two possible things to give me a 

get out of jail free card

and skip me pass the whole MS boardwalk.

---

I have a neurology appointment Tuesday.

the closer it gets,

the more real it gets.

the more surreal it gets.

i mean,

ME.

anna ruth w.

mother of 2.

pastor's wife.

former teacher.

runner.

cook.

photography hobbyist.

lover of coffee.

barefeet.

orphans.

kids.

and good conversation.

 

ME.

i am about 

four sleeps

{as my favorite-5-year-old would say}

away from sitting, 

once again, 

high on the doctor's table

and discussing a life-long degenerative,

possibly debilitating 

 disease.

---

 

so, though I've been quiet on here,

my heart has been full.

full of lots of little kid fun.

full of basking in these early summer days with little kids.

full of trying to not think about how much our future might possibly change.

full of not thinking about how nervous I am about MS treatment like daily injections.

full of not thinking about the possibility of cognitive impairment, motor impairment,

sensory impairment, and all sorts of other MS complications.

full of just trying to not think about MS in general.

and, full of knowing deep within, 

that though we are getting closer and closer 

to an official diagnosis,

official treatment,

I am incredibly, incredibly incapable of handling a life with MS.

and, full of knowing that the Lord can handle it, 

and His Strength is made perfect in my weakness.

{and that is enough for me}.