...And Nothing But the Truth

grant and grace. {5 and 3!}

-----

 

Over the past couple of months

 I've written about my latest health situation.

I know I've been vague.

Partly out of privacy, 

and partly because it takes awhile

 to process the possibility of a degenerative neurological disease.

I've had lots of people asking recently,

and i know so many of my friends care so much.

thank-you.

{truly}.

with all of our families' health situations over the past couple of years sometimes I feel like we are going to wear our friends out with yet another health crises, 

so i have been so incredibly humbled and encouraged 

by all of my friends whom have sent flowers, cards, texts and Starbucks gift cards.

{coffee gift cards? these dear friends know me well}

lots of people have asked for an update, 

and i've realized that lots of people know just bits and pieces, 

so....

here's {part 1} of the whole story.

the whole truth and nothing but the truth, okay?

---

Two months in a row I had some very weird "episode-like" symptoms

of left-sided tingling and weakness.

the first time it happened we thought it seemed like even perhaps a stroke,

but the symptoms disappeared and life went on...

...went on until about a month later the symptoms returned, 

and returned with a vengeance.

i had serious left-sided tingling, numbness, and intense weakness.

left-leg weakness to the point of feeling like i needed a cane.

so, we called the dr.

the results were not what we expected.

---

my favorite 5-year-old.

 {2 months ago}

The white paper crinkled beneath me as I sat high on the doctor's table.

The specialist walked in the room, smiled at me. we exchanged polite pleasantries. 

She sat down. She skipped over any questions about my symptoms - 

{one-sided weaknes and tingling}- and pulled out the MRI report.  

So, your MRI came back.  

my heart paused, waiting, ready.

She continued, speaking words that did not make sense. 

It shows a lesion, and says demyelinating plaque cannot be excluded.

I was confused.

 She contiued.  

It's indicative of multiple sclerosis.

In a life-changing instant never to be forgotten, I sharply sucked my breath in. my heart beat faster.  The doctor continued talking but I couldn't hear it.. 

 

I turned to my husband sitting int the chair next to me.  

My eyes wide, I mouthed  

 

multiple sclerosis?!?

---

to be continued.

my sweet, supportive husband

Happy Easter

We serve a Risen Savior.

amen?

amen.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.

 

Because He lives, All fear is gone!

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living just because He lives!

 My life..

all my messy, complicated life -

it's worth the living

just because He lives.

I have hope for this life -

hope that even in the midst of uncertainty with health situations,

in the midst of ministry,

in the midst of parenting little kids -

hope for abundant joy,

unexplainable peace. 

Just because He lives.

Happy Resurrection Day, Indeed.

 

Sparkly Purses.

this morning,

i found Grace's pink sparkly-handled purse

{that she had been carrying around all morning}.

in it?

a pony.

her "lipstick" that is her new obsession 

{and which the promise of a new one totally gets us through a grocery trip}

 

and a yellow and blue rubber ball.

because a girl never knows when she'll need a bouncy ball, right?

---

and, as I cleaned up her purse contents,

i had a flash-forward of about 13 years.

of her carrying a real purse.

coming in the door, plopping it on the table with the rest of cute teenage-girl-ish stuff.

i envisioned her texting her girlfriends,

doing homework,

complaining about boys.

going to sports practice,

youth group,

service projects.

and, my heart stopped.

this little baby girl of mine?

she's growing too fast.

{as is your child, I'm sure}.

since we can't slow time down,

over the past few months I've tried to be even more

 deliberately intentional with these gifts of ours.

{the possibility of a neurological disease will do that, I'm sure..

..if i won't be able to walk in 20 years, you better believe 

i want to be able to say that when I could walk, 

i ran with the kids, kicked a soccer ball, peddled a bike,

 every single time i could.}

so, today?

i hold her when she wants to be held.

i cry with her over whatever's wrong in her almost-3-year-old world.

i give her snacks, at maybe not snack time.

 i let her wear her crazy colorful boots when she wants to.

because really?

the stuff that frustrates me day-to-day?

like spilled cereal and laundry piles

and dirty bathrooms and dishes to wash?

it doesn't matter.

it.does.not.matter.

connecting with my kids?

being kind and tenderhearted towards them?

pointing them towards our Savior?

that matters.

i pray to that i do it better and better each day, with each new phase we enter into with its new challenges.  i pray i pursue kindness towards them, pursue tenderheartedness. pursue love, compassion, gentleness.

{and i pray you do, too.}

Rosemary Bacon Chicken

 

Since Sundays are generally a pretty busy day for us,

mondays i usually spend around the house. 

in running clothes, playing with the kids, 

catching up on laundry and cleaning.

today i spent around the house, 

making Easter egg countdowns with the kids, playing dart guns,

and fighting off a sinus infection.

{this is making me sound super-interesting, right?}

anyway, here's today's super-easy, really yummy chicken recipe.

{i didn't take a picture of it with our roasted asparagus and salad!}

 

Rosemary Bacon Chicken

ingredients:

a little bit of garlic

4 sprigs fresh rosemary

4 thick slices bacon 

{nitrate-free is the best!}

salt and pepper

4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves 

directions:

1.pre-heat oven to 425*

2. rub about 1/2 teaspoon garlic on each chicken breast half. i used this kind, but you could totally use garlic powder or even real garlic.

3. season with salt and pepper.

4. lay one rosemary sprig on each chicken breast.  i love rosemary! it will add a great flavor, but I promise it won't be overpowering.

5. wrap the bacon around the chicken.

you could totally use a thick toothpick to hold it in place, but I just made sure each end of the bacon was tucked under the chicken, and it baked fine. 

6. bake until a thermometer says the internal temp has reached 165* - this took my chicken about 24 minutes. 

enjoy!

grant and grace inhaled this. 

seriously, inhaled.

it has fabulous flavor.

{found a photo with our yummy asparagus!}

tips on roasting asparagus, coming soon.

Weekend Wrap-Up

today, i got to sit beside my husband in church.

i know, not very earth-shattering news,

but, in our line of work

{church ministry}

it is a bit different from our norm.

{it was so nice}

to hear my husband's voice singing next to me

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

but, even though most Sunday morning's i'm found trying to find someone to sit next to,

it's so, so, so worth it.

however, i will enjoy the once-a-year mornings that we can ride together.

sing together.

worship together.

 

matt, the absolute love of my life, and myself.

Friday

this afternoon i sent a text to my husband that said 

{I'm painting the table in the foyer}

an hour later I text again

{i say i'm painting and get no response? :)}

to which he replied, 

{that doesn't surprise me.  every couple of months you're painting something. :)}

after almost 10 years 

{10 years May 11!}

he does know me well.

i love to paint.

super, super, super love it.

love color.

so, this table in our entryway?
{that's way old, super scuffed up, and doesn't really fit with our decor anymore?}

it's about to be a mustard yellow.  

I'm going to keep the red bowl, 

get rid of the {W}, the white picture frame, 

and probably move the picture above it as well.  

We have an old mirror that I'm thinking will work above this table, off-centered,

with the frame painted a deep turquoise.

anyway, here's the table now, 2 hours and 2 coats of special no-need-to-sand primer later.

the yellow to be painted tonight, after little fingers are asleep.

also testing out arrangements for a gallery wall of sorts for our living room.

what do you think? okay to mix frames?

i think I like it. and, that {W} moved from the entryway?

i think it will be a dark red.

i told you i like to paint! 

happy weekend, all!

Results

happy, happy, happy news around here today.

my MRA and MRI of my neck came back completely normal.

follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks with the neurologist.

{still gotta discuss the original MRI that did not come back normal, 

along with figuring out the cause of the symptoms}.

so, this could still possibly be something serious.

however, today's MRI coming back normal means 

it's not an automatic diagnosis,

and at least if it is something serious,

we're in the early stages.

whew.

so, for now, celebrating God's goodness and mercy.

thanks for celebrating with me,

praying with me,

loving me.

truly.

i've been so humbled by everyone's care and concern.

i'm just *me*.

and yet a lot of you have been so extremely kind.

 it's humbling, and touching.

thank-you.

so, we wait, keep praying,

and try to get back to regularly scheduled life.

I Will Follow

Over the past year, Chris Tomlin's song I Will Follow has been a special one to me.

The Lord used the lyrics well over a year ago

 to help spur my heart to follow Him to a small country in East Africa.

{a country with which I fell in love and my heart longs to return}

when we've sang this song over the past year, 

my heart always beats a resounding {yes}.

Lord, I will follow.

wherever you go, i'll go.

I just never knew that the journey would go in this direction.

---

a couple months ago I had some weird health symptoms.

kinda par-for-the-course around here, right? it's always something.

some weird weakness and tingling along my left arm and leg.

got a bit worried about a stroke, but it went away, and so life went on

and we kinda forgot about it.

forgot about it until about a month later when the symptoms returned.

so, fast-forward through lots of doctors and tests,

and we're getting pretty close to knowing some answers.

what we do know is that it's not a stroke, seizure, tumor, or blood clot.

which leaves other kinda more serious, kinda scary answers.

tomorrow morning I have one more round of MRIs.

we are very hopeful that these will give us some more definitive answers.

a clear MRI is good news.

really, really, really good news.

burst into tears-of-relief good news.

---

Chris Tomlin's song says

Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you 

and that's the prayer of my heart.

wherever, however, whenever He leads,

I.will.follow.

what I believed about God 2 months ago?

that He's all-powerful, all-Sovereign, faithful, loving, merciful?

it's still true.

even in the face of a potentially scary diagnosis,

it's.still.true.

What I believed about God 2 months ago, I choose to believe today. 

and tomorrow. and the day after that.

{come what may}.

---

so, friends that have loved us, thank-you for praying with us and for us.

may our heart's response mirror Job's - 

when, 

upon receiving devastating news of the loss of his children and possessions,

he fell on the ground in worship, saying

Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
   and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
   may the name of the LORD be praised.”

yes.

 come what may after tomorrow's test,

{may the name of the LORD be praised.}

----

Chris Tomlin's song.

Beautiful Girl

This sweet Gracie-girl?

 

i kinda like her.

\

 a lot.

Saturday Night

{and this is on my heart these past few weeks.}

 

 

 

...My grace is sufficient for you...

2 Corinthians 12:2

Right about now

Right about now on a rainy Thursday morning.

we were fort-building, army-guy playing.

and, then, I ran to put a load of laundry in.

And grant figured this out.

Late Monday Night

beautiful flowers sent from a dear friend.


it's almost midnight.

I sit with the washer and drying hum-hum-humming in the next room 

and piles of folded towels on the table.

i'm not usually up this late doing laundry 

{though sometimes I probably should be!}

--

about 2 months ago, I wrote this on my blog:

if I may be honest for a moment,

I do get kinda nervous about what health issues we'll face in 2012.

but I remind myself of God's very specific direction in our lives,

and I {try} go into 2012 confidant, bold, ready.

at the very least, I go into this New Year trusting in the One who knows what new trials we will face.

----

well, over the past few weeks, we've found out what some of the new health issues may be.

and ya know?

i'm kinda thinking that health issues may be our thorn in the flesh, 

as the apostle Paul put it.

it's just kinda one thing after the other in our family.
but ya know?
it's okay.
it's truly, truly okay.

because I trust in the One who knows the future.
whose Plan is far greater than I could ever imagine.
who has time and time again shown Himself faithful to our family.
especially in the midst of health crises.
  -
so, I go back to folding laundry.
i've got 2 hours left to stay awake before this crazy sleep-deprived EEG.
who knows what these test results may bring -
hopefully as something as innocuous as weird migraines as suggested by the neurologist -
but at least I can trust the One who already knows the results.

and, well, at least my laundry will be folded.

song

As I sit down at the computer,

things to write about in mind and on my heart,

Grace comes pitter-pattering into the office.

{pink fuzzy jammies, messy hair, messier face}

she comes to me and lays her head on my lap.

as i start to type,

i hear her little voice.

she starts to sing.

i pause, thinking i recognize the melody.

she's too little. how does she know all those words?

i start to type again.

head on my lap, she keeps singing.

{it's unmistakable}.

"...all the children of the world.

red, yellow, black, white

they precious His site.

Jesus loves little children world"

my heart pauses. i am stunned.

as i rock her to sleep at night, 

thinking of a very special little boy in Africa that I wish I could rock to sleep nightly,

i sing that song.

kiss her on the forehead.

I love you, Gracie-girl,

but Jesus loves you more

and into her crib she goes.

I've never heard her sing it back to me.

wherever you're at today, whatever you're doing,

Jesus loves you.

even my 2-year-old knows it.

believe it. live it.

----

We love because he first loved us.

i john 4:19

the sweet singing Grace.

Sparkle On

Our Mondays are usually pretty mellow.

because our Sundays pretty much wear us out.

{wear us out in the best way possible}

So, today we glittered and glued and sparkled and shined.

I let Grace squeeze and shake and paint and smear 

all by herself, 

as much as she wanted to,

even though there was serious Operation Clean Up afterwards.

because sometimes,

a girl's just gotta have some sparkle.

right?

{hope your Monday was sparkly, too.}

Tuesday.

so, I've been quiet recently.

not because I don't have words overflowing inside of me that I've wanted to write,

but because my camera's {my beloved Nikon!} been broken.

{my photos have looked like this.}

and, for some reason,

i cannot write with out photos.

but, for whatever reason for which I am grateful,

my camera is working again.

whew.

so, it's my afternoon Diet Coke break time.

{i'll switch to coffee soon.}

my favorite newly-turned-5-year-old is playing with his quiet time toys.

{and this beautiful girl}

is napping because she is crazy sick with a nasty kidney infection.

doing an ultrasound of her kidneys as well as a upper and lower back x-ray soon

to see why she's getting kidney infections as well as {hopefully} figure out the cause of the back pain she's been complaining about for a couple of months.

as soon as I hit [publish post] I'm going to tackle some of the kitchen disaster and start 

the Pioneer Woman's Perfect Pot Roast for supper.

{even my mostly vegetarian self likes it}

so, that's my Tuesday.  

i love staying at home with my kids.

truly.

i've talked with several other mommy-friends recently 

who struggle with their stay-at-home-mom-ness.

it is a hard position.

i get it.

it can sometimes feel like a shot in the dark.

and, yes, sometimes it's just so hard.

so hard to be loving and patient and kind all.the.time 

to little people who are whiny, crying, and just so needy all.the.time.

but i guess I just think it's so very, very worth it.

it's an opportunity to invest so deeply into a few little lives.

i mean,

our kiddos could be the next Chuck Swindoll. or Mother Teresa.  

or congressman. or missionary.

or the next father who loves his family really, really well, 

and serves His Savior really, really well.

that was one of my New Year's Resolutions -

to be even more intentional with these kiddos.

  {and to be even more intentional with my own life.}

for, as they see me serve, love, and honor my Savior, 

hopefully they will, too.

so, that's my Tuesday.

even in my running clothes, bed unmade, dishes undone,

I'll take it.

for this is the day the Lord has made.

{i will rejoice in it.}