Just Diagnosed with MS

my favorite 5-year-old,

with a celebratory ice-cream cone on his last day of preschool.

---

 

One week ago today, 

I sat on the doctor's table in a pink dress, 

flipping through some texts on my iphone as I waited.

My husband and I chatted a bit.

I browsed a brochure.

the clock ticked.

And then the neurologist entered the room.

And, after a lengthy discussion,

made official what had been discussed for months.

One week ago today,

I was diagnosed with 

Multiple Sclerosis.

---

almost 18 months ago.

{February 2011}

I had just returned home from 2 weeks in a small country in east Africa.

we were supposed to be there ministering to the workers there, 

but it was myself who was blessed beyond measure.

 The Lord expanded my horizons on that trip,

and made me long for something more for our lives.

I've written on my blog in several places about our desire to be radical with our lives.

Radical with our ministry, radical in our service to our Savior.

Upon returning home from Africa,

these are the words penned in my prayer journal:

"If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land".

 {isaiah 1:19}

Father,

I long to be willing and obedient. 

Where you lead, we will go.

To Africa, to adoption, to other ministry,

to radical ministry right here in Indiana,

whatever you have for us,

we will go.

---

For over a year,

I have prayed to be radical with our lives.

 that wherever the Lord led us, 

we would follow.

Perhaps the Lord was preparing me for a different kind of radical service -

a life lived with a progressive neuromuscular disease.

This is now our new normal.

MS info is almost always a tab on my ipad.

we have stacks of insurance information and injection training paperwork.

This is our new normal.

and, you know?

it's okay.

I am, for the moment, over my initial panic and knee-jerk reaction.

for a month or so after our initial MRI i was panicked.

completely, completely panicked.

but now it's just back to life.

back to serving in our church here that we love.

back to playground visits and splash pad fun and Nerf gun wars.

{it's back to life}

back to believing what I always believed -

the God is always, always, always Sovereign.

that there are purposes to our lives that we may never see this side of eternity.

that my Hope rests on Jesus Christ and His coming again -

My hope does not rest on my desire to walk down the aisle 

{in cute shoes, nonetheless}

at my daughter's wedding.

 or to chase grandkids around our house.

or to travel into our retirement years.

My hope rests on nothing less than Jesus Christ and His righteousness.

Yes, our future may look different than our 30-something-year-old selves had envisioned.

it will be okay.

---

 

One week ago today,

I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

whatever the future may hold,

may we be willing and obedient,

and walk in it well.