Diagnosis: {Almost} MS

Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons is on my play over-and-over-and-over again list these days.

Have you heard it?

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

The lyrics are near and dear to my heart these past few months -

these past few up-and-down, panic-laden, trust-inducing months.

---

 one of my all-time favorite pictures of Grace, at just-turned-2, with her beloved bear.

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{Last Thursday}

I had had a few months to process the neurologist's thoughts.

her thoughts as in

i think you have multiple sclerosis.

I had prayed that I would ground myself in truth -

truth as in 

do not fear.

in your weakness, you will be made strong.

No plan of God's can be thwarted. 

but, as, once again, 

the white paper crinkled beneath me as I awaited the doctor,

i was nervous.

nervous about hearing an official diagnosis.

nervous about possible tests I didn't want to do.

nervous about what the journey of this diagnosis would entail.

the dr. {finally} entered the room.

she reviewed my previous MRI's,

discussed a few last thoughts on a few other tests to be absolutely sure we're not overlooking anything.

I listened.

I asked

{if my blood work comes back normal, is MS the only thing we're left with?}

she thought briefly and answered

MS is the only thing we're left with.

-----

So, we left the doctor's office with an almost-diagnosis.

I return in a month,

where, barring any last-minute miracle,

we will further discuss starting MS treatment.

{probably a daily injection}

and, with that, our journey on this earth has changed.

in the book of Philippians, the apostle Paul {from prison!} writes:

"...what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel..."

yes.  May even this most-likely MS journey -

may it, somehow, in a way that we'll never be able to see, 

serve to advance the gospel. 

My trust in the Sovereignty of God has reached a new level over the past few months.

this MS stuff? it's not a suprise to Him.

I worship God for who He is,

and He is always good, always compassionate, always loving.

whatever happens to me -

whether I have a fairly benign disease course or a progressive one,

whether i deal with fatigue, weakness, tingling or not,

whether I can walk in 30 years or not -

may it serve to advance the Gospel.

And, as Matt Redman sings -

 whatever may pass,

and whatever lies before me:

May I be singing when the evening comes.

amen.