Faith and Multiple Sclerosis





continued from part 1

--------------



Dazed, we left the exam room,
made it through scheduling an urgent neurology appointment and walked to the vehicle. 

i cannot have multiple sclerosis. i have 2 little kids.
i cannot have MS. I cannot have MS.

 
we stared at each other in the truck.

i barely slept that night, waking earlier than my usual hour.
i sat down with my favorite mug of strong coffee filled with {more-than-a-dash of} half and half.
I started reading and reading and reading about MS.
I knew no one with it, I understood nothing about the disease.
 
and then,
I opened my vintage-floral, hard-cover, well-worn, much-loved,  and so-needed ESV Bible.
 
I searched for truth. for help.
 
{I searched for hope}.
 
---

 
I recently read this quote about preaching
{what my beloved husband does for a living}:

Preaching is something dangerously public that emerges from something intensely private.

I kinda feel that way about blogging, too.
I know sometimes I just write about the kids or food or every day fun stuff,
but often what I write about comes from a place deep inside me.
a place that stems from my early mornings with my coffee and my Bible.
my pen and a journal.
 
 most of what I write about our health situations
 {including this latest MS journey}
 stems from a place deep inside my heart.
 
so, thank-you for listening, for reading, for loving.
i am often boggled that people would ever even read what i write -
it never seems overly interesting to me -
but, thanks.
 
 
here's the rest of the story.
 
 --

i've seen 2 different neurologists.
I've had a lot of testing done.
lots.
 
we've ruled out basically everything else my symptoms could possibly be -
from the simple stuff like vitamin deficiencies to the serious stuff like strokes.
 
what we do know is that it's not anything else.

at my last neurology appointment -
where, as we were walking into the building my entire left arm and leg went instantly weak
{kinda ironic?}
the neurologist, an MS specialist,
said that it does seem like MS.
the symptoms are presenting like MS symptoms.
my very first MRI was indicative of MS.

in her words,
Multiple Sclerosis is a real possibility.
there are likely no other possibilities.


my c-spine {neck} MRI came back clear.
 this does NOT mean that it's not MS
{as I've heard some people have thought}.

it DOES mean that if it indeed IS MS,
the disease is not advanced.
which, is good.
 
in a week we'll {hopefully} have some more solid answers.

as for me?
i'm doing okay.
a month ago i was on the verge of panic.
sheer and utter panic.

but now?
i'm okay. really.
almost weirdly okay.
i don't know if it's just the fact that it's been awhile since my last appointment,
or if the peace that passes all understanding is guarding my heart and mind.
probably both.

because, you know what?
this is what I wrote in an email to my sweet husband,
who's been ever-supportive,
at very early in the morning after we got the initial MRI results indicative of MS:

I've been telling myself all night (barely slept!) that what I believed about God yesterday is the same today.  He is ever-present in the time of trouble.  He has created good works for me to do, and his grace is so very sufficient.
that email?
it's so true today.
whatever news i get from the neurologist in a week
{be it an official diagnosis, an official non-diagnosis, or just a wait-and-see situation}
will not change what I believe about God.
{that He is all-powerful, all-Knowing, all-Sovereign}

for, His plans are to prosper, not to harm me, and to give me hope and a future.
 
may I love not my life, even unto death.
revelation 12:11

Leave a Comment

jenn m said...

Wow! Anna, I am praying for you. I cannot imagine how scary this is. We in the midst of some stressful job and family situations (I feel blessed that it's not our health so far) and reading about your strong faith in the face of this disease helps encourage me. His plans are to prosper and not to harm us. He has good plans for us and he will take care of us. Still scary, but so glad that we have that hope! Thank you for sharing!!! I'll keep praying for you and your sweet family!

Shauna said...

((hug)) May God keep you in HIS peace!

Love you and praying for you!

Mrs. P. said...

Anna, you have some wonderful skills in communication! I wish for you that you had something else to tell us. I am glad you are sharing this journey, though. Life gets scary for me sometimes and I needed the reminder in this post. I badly need to remember God has plans for me, and they are not to harm me. I will try to remember you in my pre-sleep prayer time. Hugs!

Deedle said...

Anna, I will be praying that you will get something definative at that next appointment. So often the uncertainty is as bad as the actual diagnosis. Your honesty and strength will be an inspiration to many.
Believing His strong arms will carry you!

Anonymous said...

Praying for you! So honored that you have shared your story with the blogging community - we're here for you!

xox!

Anonymous said...

Your faith through all of this this is calming, and even more, inspiring! I remembered that you had asked about my brussel sprouts recipe, so I thought I'd share that I finally have one that I absolutely love :]

http://www.almostcasual.blogspot.com/2012/04/sprouts-third-times-charm.html

thoughts and prayers,
L

Heidi said...

Oh, Anna! Big stuff... You have such a sweet spirit in these posts. I will be thinking about you.

Neabear said...

I am not able to see your part 2 post even though the start of it is in my dashboard. But I know it must have been such a shock for you. Currently I work with a patient who has MS. She is 50 years old right now. Don't know how long she has had it. I pray that you will always get the support from your family and friends. That will be so important for you!

~Linnea

Anonymous said...

I want you to know my grandmother had MS. She was diagnosed in her early 20's. She got married and had two children and 7 grandchildren, she also lived long enough to have two great-grandchildren! I can't remember her age when she died but I think she was in her 70's! She was in a wheele chair from the time I could remember but that didn't stop her! Exercise alot!! That's what she did for as many years as she could. I'm praying for your strength in this!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Anna

Been reading your blog for a long time now. You have two beautiful kids & I love reading about your faith journey. I'm sending love & prayer that you will continue to feel the warmth & protection of our Lord on this journey. May He richly bless you as you have blessed your readers.

Katelin
(Australia)

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