Just as I am

5 years ago this fall I was pregnant with this ridiculously sweet baby boy.

He was nameless at the time, though several names were high on my list.

Lincoln, Pierce, Anderson, William.

We discussed it lots.

got nowhere lots.

He was {finally} named about a week before he was born.

Grant Owen.

Fast forward two years...

 ...and our beautiful baby girl was nameless.

At 33 weeks, when the perinatologist left the room after deciding to do an emergency c-section, Matt and I looked at each other and said she needs a name, huh?

Grace Abigail it was.

So, after having our kiddos barely named when they were born, 

it's only fitting that after more than 5 years of blogging,

I finally settle on a blog name I love. 

Just as I am.

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It's the name that's been in my heart for awhile, 

but I hadn't been able to put words to it.

This blog, although at times to me it just seems like a silly little place where I write,  is truly my heart on paper.

My heart for my husband.

My heart for my kids.

My heart for our Savior.

I get humbled and blessed when people read this, my heart, comment, and say nice words...

for really, it's just me.

My night-owl-self.

my shoe-loathing, flip-flop-loving self.

my must-need-coffee self.
my heart-aches-for-orphans self.

my sometimes loud, need to think-before-i-speak self.

my broken, inadequate, humbled-before-God self.

This blog?

it's Just as I am.

Just as I am..

going through life, doing the absolute best job I can to love my husband well.

to love my children well. 

to love my Savior with my all of my heart, soul, and mind, and to love my neighbor as my self.

that's what I pray for for my life. every.single.day.

I fail. a lot. 

i doubt my Savior's plan. i get impatient with the kids.

but I repent, confess, and pray for Supernatural ability to do it better the next time.

Just as I am.

a midwestern girl at heart,

a sinner who placed her trust in Christ,

who longs to leave a legacy to her children and her children's children.

a legacy of love. of serving. of radical, life-changing love and service to our Savior.

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Just as I am, thy love unknown
hath broken every barrier down; 
now, to be thine, yea thine alone, 
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Another Pancake Night!

Saturday night

usually means pancake night in our household.

cheap, easy, fast.

which is completely what our family needs as we head into Sunday morning!

Tonight was pancake night, blueberry style.

One of my favorite pancake tips?

I usually have my own "pancake mix" ready-to-go.

When I measure dry ingredients out to make a batch of pancakes,

I'll measure the same ingredients into 2 or 3 other bowls.

then dump the extra bowls into ziploc baggies and label them.

That way, on nights like tonight, when we're even more busy than normal

and the kids are more tired and need more attention 

and my house is a lego explosion so I can barely walk through the kitchen

all I have to do is dump the bag out, add the milk, egg, butter,

and cook.

{I happened to run out of baking powder when I made this - I do usually add all of the dry ingredients together!}

For some reason, having the dry ingredients pre-mixed makes the whole process way simpler.

{I do this for muffins, too! my own muffin mix!}

I haven't bought Bisquick or other pancake mix in years

because of this tip my mom taught me.

hope it helps you, too!

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notice the blog name change?
more about that tomorrow.

What I Would Say

{What I Would Say Today}

If I weren't so worried about offending.

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Love your kids. a lot.

play with them. pray with them.

laugh with them.

give up the laundry and play combines with them.

be nicer to them. be kinder to them. 

stop complaining about them.

they're only little once.

Be really, really gracious with your little ones.

We're called to be {tender-hearted}.

ephesians 4

why do we get the harshest with the littlest ones in our lives?

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Grant had big tears in the grocery yesterday because he wanted a donut.

I caught myself wanting to tell him it was fine and to stop.

i paused and gathered myself.

and then knelt down right in the middle of the bakery section and hugged him close.

and told him i loved him, and I know it's sad when we don't get what we want.

because I have, for sure, cried out to God before when I'm disappointed.

does He harshly tell me to get over it and pull myself together?

no way.

He quiets me with His Love.

Zephaniah 3

---

{What I Would Say Today...}

if I weren't worried about offending

Love your family well.  

Love others well.

even radically.

today, choose to be radically patient and kind to the littles in your life.

to the bigs in your life.

{they will know us by our love.}

john 13

today, be kind in your words.

patient in your actions.

These little ones of ours are given Divinely to us.

today, i will embrace my 2-year-old's independence.

i will hug her when she freaks out, 

knowing how many times the Lord has scooped me up into His Loving arms when I am spiritually weary.

today, choose grace.

grace for your kids.

I will be compassionate  the midst of all potential 2-and-4-year-old-drama.

grace for yourself.

 i will not be frustrated that our guest bedroom is a laundry explosion.

and in choosing grace for our kids, 

remember that we model for them the Parent who committed the Ultimate Act of Grace.

do it well.

John 3:16

Wednesday.

Tonight was roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli for supper.

super, super good.

{roasted chicken for the rest of the family. 

my mostly vegetarian self just cannot eat chicken}

the day didn't start off as smoothly.

we spent 40 minutes {forty minutes!} looking for Grant's shoes this morning.

he was about to go barefoot to preschool.

seriously, folks. FORTY minutes to find shoes.

they will now religiously go where they're supposed to. 

at least until the 2-year-old shoe thief walks off with them again.

the kiddos are now sleeping. my wonderful husband that spent the forty minutes shoe-searching with me this morning is at an evening meeting.  i squeezed in a quick run and am about to make some dunkin' donuts decaf coffee, add lots of half and half, and sit down. i'll browse some recipes from magazines piled up {clean eating and fine cooking are a couple of my favorites!}, look at some road race calendars and try to convince myself to register for an upcoming 10K, and keep reading in Colossians.

{a good way to end a day that didn't start so smoothly!}

oh, about the roasted chicken?

so good even the animals liked it.

Weekend.

{Saturday brunch}

 

it's not feeling like fall, but we had a lovely fall brunch Saturday morning.

simple-but-pretty deep red carnations.

fresh fruit.

spinach quiche.

pumpkin bread.

 and really good friends.

A beautiful start to the weekend, 

which ended with Sunday afternoon naps and early-to-bed kiddos. 

I'm making more pumpkin bread for some friends coming over tomorrow night, and will probably double {or even triple!} the recipe into muffins, because the kiddos?

they like it. a lot.

Icecream truck!

while playing around the house a couple of days ago,

my favorite-four-year-old burst out with

Mom, how many more sleeps until the icecream truck comes?

a lot of sleeps, buddy.

Grant's answer?

I think it will be 2 sleeps.

we should pray that the icecream truck will come in 2 sleeps.

alright, sweet Grant.  alright. 2 sleeps. we'll pray.

well, today we're 2 sleeps later.

and guess what?

thanks to his sweet prayer

and a fabulous streak of warm October weather, 

Grant's a very happy little boy.

Blessings.

it's Tuesday.

and I'm kinda getting over the migraine-of-the-century here.

So thankful,

so very, very thankful!, 

that at least Matt's schedule was flexible enough to step in and help care for the kiddos a lot over the past couple of days.

so, thanks to some naps, a great Nurse Practioner who stayed after hours to give me some emergent migraine medicine, and a lot of prayer, I'm feeling functional at least. thank goodness!

{on another note...}

 

...for those of you who have followed Grant's journey, you'll know that our favorite-four-year old was diagnosed with systemic juvenile rheumatoid arthritis last spring.

He had a tonsillectomy in August to try to help his extreme fatigue level.

at a follow-up with the ENT yesterday, we are so, so thankful to say that although he had the worst-tonsillectomy-recovery-ever, his mouth has healed fabulously.

He is now back to his three-times-daily NSAID for his JRA.

and is doing great.

really, really great.

for which we are really, really thankful.

even over the last few days as I've battled this migraine,

I've been so reminded that even our health is a blessing.

that I think our family will never again take for granted.

  {a four-year-old who is not complaining of joint pain? big, big blessing.}

{a 2-year-old who's not in the hospital with toxic shock syndrome? big, big blessing.}

 Grant's future with JRA?

 we're staying status quo right now with his three-times-daily meds.

see the ped. rheumatologist in about 6 weeks.

and, as always, we pray.

a lot.

for his health. 

his heart.

and we count every.single.day. that doesn't include some health crises

like emergency calls to the ENT or big, swollen, red, painful joints.

a blessing.

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grant owen.

4 1/2

Birthday!

 Happy Birthday to me!

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i was greeted yesterday with cinnamon rolls and streamers. chocolate cake and good coffee.

  and then unwrapped sweet presents from my wonderful family.

My favorite four-year-old gave me a specially built lego truck.

just for me.

 and a space ship.

complete with an astronaut.

{it just might have been my favorite gift.}

  

And Matt and I were so privileged to go to a dinner banquet...

where I got to where real, non-running-shorts-for-clothes

 

...that included lots of good food, special conversations, and inspiring speeches.

including one honoring Howard G. Hendricks, 

a professor Matt had at Dallas Theological Seminary.

I was brought to tears by this special man's 60+ year ministry.

and as I sat in the banquet hall on my birthday,

I was struck by Howard Hendricks' life and legacy.

If I could flash-forward to my 40th birthday...60th birthday...

90th birthday...

what would a 5-minute-video summarizing my life include?

hopefully that I ate lots of chocolate cake.  

 {calories can stop counting at 90, right?}

and

had loved really, really well.

and taught these sweet ones to love their sweet ones really well, too.

 

31.

i think it's going to be a good year.

Personality.

 Grace.  

My 2 1-2 year-old shoe thief.

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According to this quick little quiz checklist in Matt's Bible Study lesson,

I am a sanguine personality.

I hadn't taken that exact test before, but I guess it fits.

Chatty. Generous. Friendly. Optimistic.

{The glass is definitely always more-than-half full in my world!}

Energetic. Creative. Spontaneous.

A few weeks ago a friend asked me to go to Africa with her.

In 4 days.

I considered it!

This crazy checklist may have included stuff like

hard-time-following-through.  disorganized. forgetful. 

Have I mentioned that I had to scavenge in my vehicle last week for my 4-year-olds show and tell? 

i promise to start cleaning our vehicle out more, but

bless that unopened apple juice box to be our "starts with a" item that day!

I love personality tests. Really. They're a fun glimpse ourselves.

You see, sometimes (well, most of the time?) I do feel kind of, well, crazy. 

Like maybe I'm just a half a step behind responsible.

But ya know?

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Even in all my crazed disorganization. All of my crazed attempts to be on top of things.

Fearfully and wonderfully made.

I kinda don't feel like that as I'm praying to not run out of gas on my to preschool.

But I can trust that He is the potter.

And although my clay is kinda forgetful and undisciplined. loud and messy.

He will mold it.

Into just the shape He wants it to be.

For His glory, not mine.

And I can trust that His grace is sufficient.

So as I scavenge for show and tell and contemplate going barefoot on a Sunday morning because I cannot find my dark red faux alligator heels, 

{seriously.}

I believe that His power is made perfect in weakness.

Thank goodness, huh?

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....Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, 

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me...

2 Corinthians

Thursday Morning

it's Thursday morning.

Since our schedule is a bit different than most, with my husband working on Sundays,

Thursdays are usually family days.  But, his schedule is a bit different this week since he hasn't felt well.

so, the kiddos and I are hanging out this morning.  I'm playing trains and legos and superstructs! and basically keeping Grace from climbing everything. it's great. we needed a down day! where I should be doing laundry, but somehow get caught up in, well, life.
and trains are so much more important anyway, right?

so, if we had a coffee playdate together this morning,

{grande nonfat latte for me}

what would you share with me?

I'd tell you how much this sweet girl

thinks all of her stuffed animals are hungry.

Moo eat!

I'd tell you how thankful I am that it's fall and how much I am loving this weather. how I really need to go to the grocery store. how silly excited I am for the premiere of Grey's Anatomy tonight.

I'd tell you how I'm loving our new church's Bible study on Colossians, and how the Lord is seriously teaching me about how Christ is the head of the body {the church} 

and how that makes us His hands and His feet.

and how challenged I am to make sure I'm living out His purpose for me. 

not the purpose I think I need to be doing. 

His purpose may look different than what I thought it would, 

{like my friend who's in Ug*nda right now bringing her 2 older boys home!},

but that's okay.  His plan and purpose are best. always.

 So, as I play trains and rock to sleep and try to get some laundry folded, I remind myself that I'm truly the hands and feet of Jesus. 

And I'd tell you that I hope that I'm doing that with all my heart. 

And by that point, I'd need another cup of coffee.

Childlike Faith

Our sweet Grace

who will commandeer anything in the house {like her momma's pony tail holders}

that can at-all-resemble a bracelet, necklace, or other sparkly accessory

accidentally burnt her wrist on the skillet this morning.

I was right.there. and just couldn't stop her fast enough. 

serious momma guilt over this!

lots and lots of cold water, 

{more than a few} tears and some snuggling with her Oatmeal bear later and all was fine.

And then, awhile later,

while in the car,

this sweet boy...

 

...all-of-a-sudden burst out with 

we should pray for Gracie's boo-boo.

Absolutely, buddy, we should absolutely pray for it.

You wanna pray right now?

he did.

His prayer?

Dear God,

Thank-you for today.

Thank-you that you will heal Gracie's boo-boo.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

wow. 

some serious child-like faith in that prayer, huh?

No worrying, no stressing over the situation.

simple trust that He will heal Gracie's boo-boo.

and right then,

in those few quick moments in our car, 

with Gracie holding her bear, Grant in mis-matched sweats, 

and me wearing my good-'ole running shorts,

my faith was challenged.

 

Do I pray with such faith?

that God will work?

that He will accomplish His will?

that my prayers will be answered?

I hope so. 

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...But let him ask in faith, with no doubting...

James 1:6

Good Old Fashioned Pancakes!

Saturday night!

pancake night.

M & M pancakes tonight.

 our chocolate-loving-2-year-old inhaled them fist-over-fist.

seriously. fist-over-fist. 

she knows what's good, huh?

It's taken me almost 10 years of marriage to be able to make pancakes.

seriously.

no matter what I did, they burnt, were dough-y, or just yucky.

My pancake tips today?

{generously} spray your griddle with non-stick spray.

start with a HOT griddle.

{I usually turn mine on right as I add the wet ingredients}.

use a measuring scoop slightly bigger than the size you need. 

I use 1/3 cup for 1/4 cup-sized-pancakes.

turn the burners down when you're on your 3rd batch.

turn them down even more when you hit your 4th or 5th one.

prevents the bottoms from getting too done before the middle.

if all else fails?

add chocolate.

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My favorite all-time pancake recipe:

my own version of this one

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
2 tablespoons baking powder

2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons white sugar
2 1/2 cups milk
2 eggs
4 tablespoons butter, melted

2 teaspoons vanilla

Directions: 

1. In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. Make a well in the center and pour in the milk, vanilla, egg and melted butter; mix until smooth.  

2. Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.

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for those interested, there are 2261 calories in the ENTIRE batch.  

so, just divide by how many you get.

I usually get about 24.

which is only 94 calories/pancake.

{not including any added M&M's.}

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what's your favorite way to eat pancakes?