4 small words

The ringing phone awakened me.

Anticipating this phone call,

i napped with my iphone beside me.

four words.

four

 small-but-oh-so-big-words 

were what I awaited, 

hoping, praying, pleading to hear.

Hello? I answered.

It was the call for which I had been awaiting. 

----

My footsteps pounded the pavement this morning. 

I ran faster in my head than my GPS said, but that's okay. 

on this beautiful Midwestern touch-of-fall morning, my soul felt alive.

And on my running playlist came the song that was on {repeat} about a year and a half ago. 

Over and over I listened to it, praying it with all my heart. 

It expressed what my filled-to-the-limit-heart could not.

-----

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning

it's time to sing Your song again.

whatever may pass,

and whatever lies before me

Let me be singing when the evening comes.

 -----

That was the prayer I pleaded:

May my faith be steadfast enough, courageous enough, strong enough,

that no matter what came during the day - 

no matter what result the seemingly endless round of medical tests would hold,

that my heart would still be singing His praise when the evening came.

a year and a half later,

multiple sclerosis is just a small blip.

a shot daily, some extra supplements...

and i,

very thankfully,

live my very normal life.

------

but then the yearly MRI rolls around,

which will tell me that which my body may not,

and i am a little-too-reminded of the fact that I live with a progressive neurological disease.

and, MRI's always take me back to that initial diagnosis

and those life-changing words

multiple sclerosis cannot be excluded.

  
obviously,

my emotions run a bit deep.

-----------------

I pounded the pavement this morning,

listening to those lyrics,

reminded of a deeply personal, deeply sensitive time in my life,

and became deeply thankful for the phone call I received last week.

4 small words.

4 oh-so-huge words.

but,

our God is always, always, always good.

what I believed about God would be the same had those 4 words been different.

 in the face of a life-long neurological disease,

my prayer remains the same.

whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,

Let me Be singing when the evening comes.

----

4.small.words.

{no new disease activity}