Just as I Am

Yesterday we made scrambled eggs for breakfast. Grant and I were in our comfy clothes and I had my favorite apron on. I was doing my normal breakfast stuff {in between playing with playdough, making a crane go way up high, and digging in sand}.

As we ate our eggs together, {he gets the full-fat version, I get my whites-only omelet!}, we talked about how our hearts our dirty, and Jesus died on the cross to make our hearts clean.

Somehow, I think we did more than make breakfast together.

{and, yes, I cringe at how horribly non-green our paper bowls are! eek. recycling will continue at the new house!)

Oh the sweetness!

Gracie fell asleep nursing at 7 a.m. this morning, after being awake since 5 this morning. We happily played downstairs (me with some coffee, her with her favorite toys - her brother's!) for a couple of hours, and when I picked her up to nurse at 7 she {finally} fell asleep almost instantly. As she was finishing eating she rested her head against me, and then laughed in her sleep. Oh the sweetness of holding my sleeping baby girl! so much LOVE!

In Memory

2 years ago today I had my 2nd D &C. Although time has {mainly} healed my heart and hurt, the pain of pregnancy loss will always be there. A part of my heart will always reflect, always hurt, always wish that the road to having children could have been smoother for us.

I wanted to share this with you this morning:

This is a message I sent to a friend of mine shortly after our loss 2 years ago. My friend loved me, supported me, and prayed for me well during this loss.

---

Three months ago today I found out I was pregnant with our fourth baby. We were on vacation in Dallas, and it had been a wonderful trip. We visited with some of our best friends in the world...friends that had loved on us and supported us during our first 2 miscarriages and the succeeding infertility. We sat around with our friends, catching up, chatting, laughing, drinking delicious coffee...it was refreshing for our souls.

The morning after an especially wonderful visit with some friends,

{whom themselves dealt with infertility and conceived through IVF}

I took a pregnancy test.

It was positive, and I was so deeply thrilled.

It seemed to be the perfect ending for a perfect vacation.

We told our parents after Matt's surprise 30th birthday party. Everyone had been sitting around and talking, and in closing the evening Matt said some nice words for our parents, and then said that Grant was going to be a big brother. They were thrilled, we were thrilled.

I spent one delightful month dreaming over Pottery Barn Baby catalog's, envisioning pink walls and fru-fru clothes...Matt and I were so very, very excited.

Here's an entry from my prayer journal, when I was 6w4d pregnant:

I am so so so incredibly excited about this pregnancy. Still not believing it's true, but excited at the same time!! I'm more excited that I was with Grant, even - I think because I *know* how wonderful being pregnant is (hyperemesis and pre-eclampsia and all!), how wonderful having children is, and I am so in awe that the Lord has allowed me to experience it again.

That said, I'm trying to just savor every moment of this pregnancy...take in everyone's reactions, remember the moment I told Matt. It's just so wonderfully surreal.

On Tuesday, May 30th our world changed.

at 13 weeks, the ultrasound showed there was no heartbeat.

Josie Hope Walker blessed our lives for the short time she was with us. Josie means "God will enlarge" - which I just love, because in this pain and grief, my only prayer is that somehow, in some Divine way, God can enlarge this tragic situation

and use it for His Divine purposes.

And Hope, because for the 6 weeks I knew I was pregnant, she gave us such incredible hope...hope that my body can actually do this quickly!, hope for a sibling for Grant

...hope for the future.

Thank-you, for being excited with me when I told you I was pregnant, for crying with me when we got un-anticipated news, and for listening as I've grieved, mourned, cried, and have started the road to healing. I am touched that you have cared for me so much. Thank-you for walking through this with me...thank-you for letting me share her life with you.

So...in loving memory of Josie Hope. May her life be a blessing, in whatever way it may be.

So Excited

I'm so excited to look at houses today! I don't know if I've been this excited for a long time! I even woke up at 6:15 this morning couldn't go back to sleep (which, in our sleepless house, really says something!)

1 older house that would need some updating (but, I'd get to pick out the kitchen!)
1 new house that would need to come down in price {that I'm in love with the yard}
1 house in foreclosure that's huge {who knows how desperate the bank is to get rid of it!)
1 newish house that's a short sale on an itty bitty lot {but is a great price and I love the floor plan
and 10 acres of land that has a crummy house {so we could either totally redo the inside or build on the land}

that's what the agenda is! sooo excited! so so excited.

more practice with the nikon

The Birthday Beauty

Why Grant's congested {again}

We have a weekly neighborhood playgroup (just like, 5 SAHM's and their kids) and one mom brought her SICK girls. When I saw snot bubbles blowing out of the 8-month-old's nose (literally!) I should've been more vigilant about washing Grant's hands. ALL the rest of our kiddos have the same congestion/runny nose/cough now. oh, well, what can you do?

BB in a bit to catch up!

Happy Monday!

So, I haven't blogged in awhile! Just wanted to pop in and say hi. :)

Off to pick up the kitchen and living room while Grace is napping. Poor Grant is congested {again} and chilling with Sesame Street.

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Grant

This is usually the reaction I get when Grant sees the camera come out:

So when we were outside this morning I took some {okay, 216} pictures. I caught a few cute ones.

Today's Favorites

I've been trying {like a crazy woman} to learn how to use our nice DSLR camera. Aperture. Shutter speed. ISO. Exposure. that's what I'm reading about.

all to try to get a decent picture of my Baby Girl and Toddler Boy

{if he'll let me!}

I think my heart just broke a little..

One of my friends from my college days adopted a baby boy from Africa last fall. he's just squeezable and loveable and the cutest thing ever! They had 4 girls 6 and under, so with the little boy they have a house full of love for sure now!

I was reading on her blog, and she was mentioning how he was transitioning - which is, by His Grace, just fabulously. One victory they've had recently was that he stopped screaming when lunchtime/snacktime/dinnertime was over.

he was screaming because he thought there would be no more food.

The sweet little boy was worried about food. he had been used to being hungry.

My heart broke a little, thinking of the 13 months that baby boy spent in Africa, waiting his family. Thankful is not a strong enough word to describe how glad I am
he's now with his family, who have much love to give, and how glad I am that he'll hopefully never have to worry about being hungry again.

Here's a picture of 3 of their sweet kiddos, including their precious Clayton.

a Showing!!!

We have our first house showing from being back on the market tomorrow afternoon! Cleaning cleaning cleaning today! At least we got plenty of warning so the house can be as perfect and as staged as possible!

Praying that the first buyer would be *the* buyer!

asleep unswaddled again for her morning nap! too sweet!

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She's Eating!

I was beginning to think that Grace would be the only baby at her first birthday party to *not* like the cake.

She's just been SO much slower at eating solids than Grant was - and Grant didn't even start solids until about 7 months, and didn't really increase his solids intake until about 9 months. Well, Gracie's 10 1/2 months, and is finally starting to eat some solid foods! She LOVES yogurt. loves it. She ate an entire container of the YoBaby organic vanilla yogurt last night. (4 oz!) She'll also tolerate oatmeal. not enjoy it, lunging for the spoon like she does the yogurt, but she'll at least swallow the oatmeal and not gag on it like she used to.

The Baby Girl is growing up!

Chair Outtakes

Here are the "outtakes" as we tried to take her birthday picture in her chair. :D

What's this? another picture session? really?

ooh, does my dress have a ribbon on it?

ooh, I think it looks yummy!

Oooh, is it edible?

yummy ribbon!

What are you looking at?

You caught me! :D

And, lastly, "get out of my chair, brother!"

10 Months!

Grace was 10 months old on February 18!

Ever, Only, All for Thee

A song that's been on my mind recently...

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy Love.

Take my feet and let them be
Swift and Beautiful for Thee;
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.

Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee;
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold

Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise

Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine,
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be thy royal thrown.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for thee.

ever, only, all for thee.

I love it!

Grant picked up my old cell phone from his toy basket, and said:

"hello. hi. these are my toys. gracie's toys. go through the durango bath. oh- batteries are dead. okay. bye." and closed the phone!

he came in to me and said "I was just talking to daddy".

(the "durango bath" is the car wash).

I love it! he's just getting into pretend play, and it's adorable!

I love it!

Grant picked up my old cell phone from his toy basket, and said:
"hello. hi. these are my toys. gracie's toys. go through the durango bath. oh- batteries are dead. okay. bye." and closed the phone!

he came in and said "I was just talking to daddy" to me.

(the "durango bath" is the car wash).

I love it! he's just getting into pretend play,and it's adorable!

Wednesday

Grant had his 3 year old WCC at 3 o'clock today so I had to put him down for an early nap. We had playgroup at Nadine's this morning and Gracie didn't nap! I tried to put her down there but she just didn't fall asleep. weird. So, by 12:15 we were home and both kiddos were down! Well, it might have been 12:30 by the time I got Grace fed and in bed.

so, of course, the one day they're both sleeping well and probably would have slept another hour or so I had to wake them up!

Grant was SO good at the dr's, though - I was worried that he'd freak out, but he was just this happy little boy who let the dr. listen to him and examine him. When Dr. Roscoe and I were talking, Grant was just standing in the corner and all of a sudden Grant burst out with "I watch Christmas Monkey!" lol. Grant even raised his arms over his head like the one dance they do on the Christmas Monkey special.

I wore Gracie in the sling, and it was SO NICE to not be lugging the carseat around! I wore her tummy-to-tummy, with her legs out of the sling around me; it was cute, and I loved having her that close to me.

Talked with Dr. Roscoe about her eczema, and he said it sounds like an allergy issue, not a dermatology issue. So, we have one more Rx ointment to try, but we'll probably do the allergy testing at her 9 month WCC. :(

We picked up CFA for supper and came home. Matt was home early, too, so it was a nice evening.

a boy funny

When Matt got home last night he was asking Grant about the dr's appointment (Grant had his 3 year old WCC yesterday), and the very fiRST thing Grant said was "he looked at penis!" I just burst out laughing and had to turn my head, and Matt's eyes got big and said "really?" All the dr. did was slighly pull the underwear back to make sure the "boy parts" looked okay, but it must have made an impression on Grant! Ah, the mom of a boy!

Sweet Birthday Boy

My favorite baby boy is 3! I am just in awe that it was 3 years ago that we brought this 6 pound baby home from the hospital. We spent many nights vacuuming his room or swinging him almost 180* in his carseat to keep him asleep...and now he's a lovable, chatty, smart, funny, yogurt-crazy, farm-equipment-loving toddler boy. He just melts my heart, and I love, love, LOVE having a toddler boy.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Grant.

The cake:

Getting SO excited as we sang!

Bring that cake closer!

Blowing hard!

Serious about this cake business!

I'm 3!!!!!!!!!!!

Figuring out the presents!

And, wow! a present!!!!!

So in love with the big, new, *working* clauss combine!

and, my sweet Grant Owen, a miracle baby boy, whom I never thought would be possible and has forever made me slightly nostalgic about Target restrooms! :)

New Year's Resolutions

I read an interesting article talking about the science behind resolutions...

It said according to a 2002 study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, people who made New Year's Resolutions had higher rates of success at making the desired behavior change (losing weight, exercising more and quitting smoking being the most prevalent) than people who did not make resolutions. After six months, 46 percent of the resolution makers were successful compared to just 4 percent of the people who did not make resolutions.

So, I think I better get my resolutions written down, huh?

Missing Matt...and more random Tuesday happenings

He's gone tonight on business. the house is so lonely in the evenings with out him here! I miss him.

Anyway, the kiddos and I had a fun day, though. Grant and I did lots of running around the house (he LOVES it when I chase him!) and hopping like frogs, jumping like gorillas, etc. He, minus one potty trip 10 minutes after he went to bed, went straight to sleep, so I think I wore him out! It's just so hard to keep him active (as active as he needs to be!) when it's sooo cold out!

So, Gracie is just starting to like a few more solid foods. I found out that I had been making them too thick , and that's why she was gagging . (Well, I guess it has been 2 years since I've made baby food!)

Anyway, she LOVES mangos. LOVES them. but, that was what she had the night she threw up, so we're waiting a little to try those again.

So, today I tried sweet potatoes again - she just doesn't like them. Takes a couple bites, then just will NOT open her mouth after that!

The new food for the day was baby organic yogurt, which is the 2nd thing that she's loved. Opened her mouth for more bites and all! Fun to see her start eating some. But I looked in Grant's baby book and I had written when talking about the 8th month that "solids still aren't a daily necessity". So, made me feel better about Grace. She'll eat, when she's ready.

I do worry about her gross motor skills - am calling about an evaluation tomorrow. But, even if she does have a gross motor delay, we've BTDT, and Grant caught up SO FAST. He was climbing stuff at Monkey Joes that my nephew, who'd been walkign since 10 months old, would never have climbed. anyway - I think I worry because I equate gross motor delay = cognitive delay.

off to bed, although it's SO hard to force myself to go to sleep with out DH here!

Muffins gone wrong

So, I offered to one of my neighbors to bring muffins to our weekly playgroup tomorrow morning. She said that'd be great, so I went through my Weight Watcher recipes to find one that sounded good. (I thought our playgroup could use a healthy snack to kick of the new year!) The Orange-Oatmeal recipe sounded the best, and I had everything on hand.

Well, I ended up being about 1/2 cup short of bisquick, so I googled and found that you can sub Bisquick with flour, baking powder, salt, and some Crisco. (I don't quite get the Crisco, but that's what it said!) So, I measured out the equivalent of the Bisquick I was short - and I decided to use whole wheat flour.

Well, I think I just changed too many things, because the muffins are NOT GOOD. I think the whole wheat flour was just too strong of a flavor - you can't taste the "orange" of the "orange-oatmeal muffins". I'll have to re-do the recipe in the morning, using plain white flour. They're only 3 Weight Watcher points per muffin, so not too bad. (although I could so easily eat like, 3 muffins!)

anyway - I'll let you know how the next batch turns out. ;-)

Matt left for Arkansas around noon today so I'm killing time online instead of going to bed!

I ran to Target this morning to get some groceries. it was GOOD to get out by myself! Stocked up on healthy food! Bye-bye Christmas weight gain :roll:, hello pre-pregnancy weight!

ran 3 miles on the treadmill today, even!

Grant and I had fun playing. we jumped on the bed, and then ran in the living room (made a "track" out of the bumper ran on the "track" and then landed on the couch pillows). I love him. I need him to watch less tv...gotta work on that!

made muffins tonight - NOT GOOD. tried subbing whole wheat flour for part of the bisquick - the WW taste was too strong and overpowered the orange flavor of the muffins. I have a feeling that with out the WW flour, they'd be good!

New Year Resolutions

I'll post my New Year Resolutions soon...but, to inspire all of us in the New Year, here's a good inspirational quote I just came across:

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."

Happy New Year, all!